We all know what a moron is. There are plenty of them about, but what is a Oxymoron?

Here are a few examples;

• Military intelligence,
• Mexican restaurant,
• Happily married,
• Trustworthy politician,
• Lawyers and salesmen with integrity.

In other words life itself is an Oxymoron. To misquote Winston Churchill speaking in an entirely different context, “life is a mystery wrapped up in a dilemma, inside an enigma”.

In common with the majority of retired gentleman I venture out in the morning in search of a little exercise, fresh air and company. In this town the natives gather together to play backgammon, argue loudly with all the characteristic gesticulations, or they may be seen in fours or fives having intense debates probably about the political situation. The main difference between them and me is that my companions and I do not find it necessary to have a string of beads to flip over and over endlessly. In common with the smoking compulsion I suppose it began a long time ago and as soon as one started doing it, all the others didn’t want to be left out, so they copied one another until it became a habit.

Sometimes I meet up with a man I know casually and as is the way, we greet one and another saying “how are you?” and “how’s it going?” Before very long we sympathise with each other over various difficulties and unfairness we are experiencing. Always these are dominated by the behaviour of people with whom we are obliged to co-exist; we sit on a bench on the sea front in Larnaka which is called the Finigoudis, and the sun shines, the sea twinkles and air is fresh and clean.

Neither of us is hungry or particularly thirsty and by and large our needs are met. Sometimes one will say, “Did you see on television?”, “yes isn’t it terrible” is the reply, “I can’t watch it anymore”, “I know, every time I switch it on there are people being blown up or children starving, floods, fires or pestilence”, This is the world we live in, we concur and there is nothing we can do about it”

I used to frequently visit a pub which was conveniently located for “an after work drink” the beer was good, as was the atmosphere and you have to believe when I tell you, I had been using this place for quite a while before it became clear to me, it was a gay pub. The land lord was a world ranking heavyweight wrestling champion. His boyfriend was a rather serious youngish bloke with spectacles and an earring in his left ear. As a matter of fact I had my retirement party there and it was very successful. During the week it was business as usual but Sunday was the day when men came from all corners and he stayed open all day until late. Some of them were very camp, others completely unremarkable. What I learnt was the amount of jealousy and intrigue that went on, it was on par with those of us who are more inclined to attempt to try their luck with the fair sex. Affairs of the heart are not for the faint hearted, you are going to get hurt! If you don’t want to get hurt, then don’t get involved, promises are made and then forgotten. There are the heights of enjoyment which you hope will go on forever, and the lows of disappointment and disillusion which can turn into the opposite of all the love and adoration. Some men love their dogs, or their train sets, a number of men never leave their mother. I had a friend who was married at the age of eighteen because he made his girlfriend pregnant; at twenty five he was divorced. And that was it for him, once was enough. He told me he would never do it again. His love was the top class football team we both followed at the time. He went to every away game no matter where in the world, and he enjoyed a drink or two. Then there are those of us who never give up! Talk about getting your fingers burnt!! Some of us never learn

“To let a fool kiss you is stupid, to let a kiss fool you is worse”. E.Y. Harburg.

On the 24th April 2007, a man attained his 100th birthday and was interviewed on the radio. When he was 90 he had placed a bet of £100 with William Hill that he would live to be 100. Anyway he collected £25,000.00.

His advice on how to live to be 100:

1- Always eat porridge for breakfast,
2- Do as little work as possible,
3- Don’t worry about anything,
4- Keep breathing

An obvious rider to these would seem to be; Always have something to look forward to, in his case it was winning the £100.00 bet.

Another good example along the same lines is a dedicated gardener; he or she always lives by anticipation of the next season, and the fruits (or flowers) of their labour. To plant something, whether it is a seed or a bedding plant and watch it develop and grow into something thing beautiful or edible is one of the greatest satisfactions known to man. There are cases reported of prisoners completing their sentences in open prisons and resisting the forthcoming date of release because they are so wrapped up in their gardens or the pig farm where a new litter has been born or is expected.

If you really want to live to a very old age, a good suggestion is to be born and live in a region of Northern China or Tibet where there are a species of wild onion and garlic which are known to be extremely beneficial and the people survive to well past 100 years. And some are reckoned to be as old as 120 years. Another factor to be born in mind is the absence of overcrowding, traffic noise and pollution, and the utterly frantic pace of life we now take for granted.

1- A positive attitude
2- To be organised

mA rather popular comedy series on television dating back thirty years, featured Michael Crawford as a walking disaster called Frank Spencer, who embodied all the characteristics of a “non-man”.
mHe had a mother fixation and consequently had never been allowed to grow up. The world was a terrifying challenge to him and he was cursed with the knack of always making matters worse for himself.
mThe element which did not ring true however, was that according to the story, he had this attractive and competent wife who took care of him and to whom he turned to all the time. Trust me! It doesn’t work like that!
mWomen like that are rare and for reasons known only to anthropologist are drawn almost all the time to a guy who best fits the description of a rat.
mArrogant, cocky, always sure of himself, vain, selfish and usually aggressive are the traits that usually win the adoration of the majority of women.
mLater they may realize their error and if lucky disentangle themselves and hopefully make a better choice the next time around.
mHowever it is usually to late, they already have children and the man is more often than not a good provider for the family needs and wants.

mSo the women live a life of acting as the unequal partner of a conceited jerk who has no idea of how fortunate he is unless or until, either the kids grow up and she leaves him, or she can’t take any more of the “excess baggage” and leaves him for somebody else.
mReturning to poor old Frank Spencer, there is a moment in a particular episode when Betty, his wife, gives birth to their baby, and at that time realization dawns on Frank of what he has done.
mIn wonder he says “I ‘M A MAN BETTY” and at that point you could cry for him. He is so full of pride. Most men would identify with this particular experience.
It is like winning a fight in a play ground, or scoring a goal, or better still like the first experience of making love. The experience of doing what men do and succeeding is more than enough reason to relish the fact that you are fortunate enough to have been born a man.
mMost men are competitive, it goes with the package! And if you aren’t you wont get very far. Let us start from somewhere nearer to the beginning.
Observe the behaviour of toddlers in the nursery, they fight, squabble, punch and kick each other to get what ever it is they may want.
This type of attitude does not go away just because you grow up and get bigger. The main difference is that the attitude becomes slightly more complicated and sophisticated depending on the individual.
mRules of behaviour in society place restrictions and punishments on aggressive and anti-social behaviour. Yet we still do what we do whenever we feel we can get away with it by sneakily dressing it up and disguising it in different forms.
mNobody gets to be rich and successful in this world without others falling by the wayside, many are used and exploited by the achievers. The law of the jungle prevails.
mAt school there are situations either with the teachers or other students, to be accepted the boy has to conform to behavioural codes and practices.
mIn a word it is, and always will be about respect. How you get the respect is a matter left for you, one thing however is certain, might is right. The stronger and meaner you are the higher you go.
mIf for instance you are good at some kind of sport, you will never be without admirers, if however you are like me, moderately competitive; wanting to be liked and popular and to some extent succeed in achieving, you will face problems.
mWhen some toughies accuse you of looking at their girl, you could either run or fight most times we run. If you were caught you had to fight, luckily in those days it was generally just with our fists. Either you took some blows or got a few punches in yourself.
mA young man I knew was sent by his father to a military public school, on his first day he was set upon just to let him know where he stood.All young men with the exception of a few have in them what is known as the “old Adam” and it has to be knocked out of him, mainly for his own good.

mCockiness is distinctly unappealing and more so with age. Here are a few suggested guidelines on being a man;

1. Initially having an unsuitable first name can be a blessing in disguise, like the boy named sue, it teaches him to stand up for himself in the face of those that choose to pick on him for the most trivial excuse.
2. An invaluable asset is to be good at something; in the pecking order it gives you status. Magic tricks or the ability to make people laugh are good examples. Sport of almost any kind is the most common claim to superiority. However even the Beegees made a fortune and found fame in spite of their looks and Falsetto voices.
3. Learn to handle rejection, especially from girls. Get used to it, for you will experience it a lot. You have to raise above it, other men will try to put you down for reasons of their own understanding, however just keep away from them, the problem is theirs not yours.
4. Work out your own style and stick with it. Believe in yourself, this is also known as “walking tall”; however a word of warning: there is a very thin line between self confidence and arrogance. To much and people will turn their back up, and there are always others a lot cleverer who can read through you like a book.
5. It is impossible to be liked by everybody. What matters is dignity, to be liked, it is essential to be yourself. If you are comfortable in your own skin ,other people will be drawn to you. The mark of a true man is not being loud and showing off, what shines through is inner confidence for this counts for everything.
6. Hairiness! Facial and on the head. Simply put, the rules are these; on the face zero, no fancy moustaches, beards and/or stubble, eyebrows, nostrils, ear holes all should be well groomed. If you have hair on your head, good for you, if not don’t worry about it.
Baldness is all in the mind, when God allocated hair, he did not bother to give so much to clever sexy men with attractively shaped heads. So why spend good money on a thing that looks like a dead ferret called a wig or hairpiece and attach it to the head.
The question must be asked, are you that determined to look ridiculous?
The same goes for pony tails, long ringlets, mullets, Grecian 2000 and worst of all dying. Equally undesirable are comb-over’s. Accept what you have been issued with, keep it clean and tidy, and be well groomed and presentable.
7. Tattoos are fine within reason; less is more where tattoos are concerned. Too many and they become repulsive. Well chosen and located can add to a mans attraction. Body piercing is unacceptable in every way and if you think otherwise I say hope is gone.
8. Men who go shopping in the town centre with their women and choose not to wear a shirt or vest are sad and unhygienic.
9. The louder the voice, the less it is worth listening to. Do not brag and show off, people can decide for themselves. Be yourself and people will love you for yourself. Leave the comedy to the comedians, they are better at it. Perpetual ho, ho, ho, ho and ha, ha, ha is only for Santa Claus.
10. It is a man’s world, be thankful it is and endeavour to do justice to your inheritance. Fact: the bigger the car the louder the noise it makes, also the greater the likelihood that the man behind the wheel is Kermit the frog.

Being a real man cannot be taught, you have either got it or you haven’t. And if you are fortunate enough to posses the magical formula, my friend it is the greatest gift God has bestowed upon humanity.

Every child is a manic egoist…

The manic egoist driven by resentment gradually destroys his own sense of reality. The result may be described as self – destruction.
It is because we are intelligent enough to recognize Kierkegaard’s “principle of limitation”, though few of us go this far.
This phenomenon is not a recent development; it seems to be as old as mans recorded history.
The principle of limitation acknowledges the recognition that human happiness depends upon self discipline, and can be found in Hindu scriptures dating back 1,000 B.C. as well as in pyramid texts and early writings from Mesopotamian times.
Though man may be termed a criminal animal, he is also a religious animal. However the religious facet seems to outdate the criminality side.
The three main events in a person’s life – Birth, Life and Death.

“We are not conscious of being born, some die in pain, and many forget how to live”.
Jean de La Bruyère

When Disraeli was UK Prime Minister, M.P. Daniel O’ Connell, an Irishman made an insulting Anti-Semitic remark. Disraeli replied “yes, I am Jew and when your ancestors were brutal savages on an unknown island, mine were priests in the temple of Solomon”.

25 OBSERVATIONS - On the nature of life.
Life can be described as; mischief, tragedy and lost illusions. – Anon.
Be optimistic, but carry a big stick. – Anon.It matters not how long we live, but how we live. - Anon
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. – Thoreaux
Live righteously, you shall die righteously. – Ovid
Hell is other people. – John Paul Sartre
To fear God is the highest wisdom – Arabic Proverb
Winners never quit, quitters never win. – American proverb
Even a blind pig finds an Acorn sometimes. – French Proverb
The sleep of reason truly does beget monsters – William Shakespeare
The lazy man gets around the sun as quickly as the busy one. – Quatrains
“The world is a comedy to those who think a tragedy to those who feel”. – H. Walpole
As long as you have got something to get out of bed for you will have a good life. – English Proverb
“Life is the art of being, while deceived”. – Haslett
From the time you are laid, till you ride in the hearse there’s nothing so bad that it couldn’t be worse. – Old English Ditty
Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool, than to open it and remove all possible doubt. – Anon.
The trouble with the faint hearted is that they worry about the service charge before they even sit down. - Anon
Life is mostly froth and bubble, two things stand like stone, kindness in another’s trouble and courage in your own. – Anon.
Human nature is what we are put on this world to rise above. – The African queen
“Our doubts are traitors and make us lose, the good, we oft might win, by fearing to attempt£”. – William Shakespeare
“Cowardice does not consist of feeling timidity. But does to giving way to ones fears”. – Anon.
“I would rather hear violins for five minutes than silence for the rest of my life”. – Anon.
Doubt is not a pleasant position, but certainty is absurd. – Voltaire
“Manners are more important than laws, for it is within them that all laws are defined£”. – Edmund Burke
Finally: A toast Health to the sick, honour to the brave, success to the lover, and freedom to the slave. – From a 200 year old drinking mug.

These quotations embrace the depth and breadth of life’s experience. Through the observations of humanity we underline the fluidity of the life as we all experience it.